A True Friend
In life we can only hope for true, supportive, and enduring friendship. Research conducted across the globe highlights that people with disabilities experience loneliness at a greater extent than people without disabilities - a concern that hits close to home for the All Kinds of Minds Therapy Team, as many folks come to therapy with the hopes to process feelings of isolation and increase opportunities for connection. We are hardwired for connection and every person is worthy of friendship. For those hopeful to increase connection, we look to protective factors against loneliness. First, and perhaps the most difficult is authenticity. While unmasking and allowing yourself to vulnerably show up as you are can be difficult, there is power in allowing others to know you truly as you are. This can also reduce social burnout, as masking to meet “neurotypical” social norms is both taxing and can reduce engagement in social events. Further, participation in events connected to areas of interests, social contact with relatives, and access to suitable and sustainable employment all increase opportunities for connection and well-being. We can turn to the research and data on this - though better yet, we can look to a genuine example of someone who has fostered connections, engages actively in her community, and empowers herself every day.
Meet Stephanie - Stephanie is a personal friend of Julia Mefferd, founder of All Kinds of Minds Therapy. Stephanie and Julia met at Edgewood College where Stephanie was a student in the Cutting Edge program, a fully inclusive college program for students with intellectual and developmental disabilities embedded at Edgewood College.While at Edgewood, it was common to see Stephanie out in the common spaces where she would be the first to check in to see how other’s day was going, offer words of encouragement, or enjoy an activity together. Stephanie showed up authentically as herself - full of enthusiasm and joy. If only her energy could be captured on a page, as there is nothing better than hearing Stephanie say “Hi! I missed you! How are you?”
Stephanie moved several hours from home to attend college and building up her support system was a key part of her success, as it is for anyone in a new city. After college, Stephanie remained in Madison and has fostered the relationships she created, both those that remain local and those with people that live in different cities, with commitment and kindness. She regularly prioritizes calling her friends and family members daily, checking in and letting them know when she needs friend time or family time. Labeling this need and actively scheduling time to talk with those she is close with helps her stay connected. A great technique Stephanie is reaching out and asking which days those close to her are free to talk and setting a time to connect with them. She is particularly close with her cousin, who she calls and texts regularly and plans fun adventures with during his visits to her.
Over the years, Stephanie has found systems to support her getting to the places she finds joy and connection, like the church choir and work, by taking public transportation, scheduling rides with friends, and uber. She shared that her advice to others is to do the same, stating, “if you don’t drive, uber!” Finding ways to increase access to public settings and shared spaces is one of the greatest protective factors against loneliness. It can be difficult to take a chance and go somewhere new, though if you are open to it like Stephanie, you may find great new hobbies and friends. For example, Stephanie met a great friend and mentor by volunteering at the Ronald McDonald house!
All in all, anyone that is friends with Stephanie is very lucky. Her eagerness to connect, her authentic compassion, and her kindness are unmatched. She is an excellent self advocate and inspires others to be authentically themselves.
